verbal effusion 1

The more time passes, the more I understand why my father did what he did. The modern majority of American culture and society don’t have a place for those of us that fit into the ‘other’ category. I am a human being, not to piece of clay that can be molded. The more I try, the more resistance I get. Then I’m forced to give up due to life exhaustion and become a recluse, a hermit, the weirdo who doesn’t speak anymore, as some would see it.

I often check the ‘other’ box. After a while, begin to think that maybe I’m “crazy, paranoid”, how can one person have so much stacked against them? Then I remember to stop comparing myself to other humans (and at I’m not the only one, no matter how much it feels like it is) who have a grand ability to lie so well that they have lost touch with humanity. It’s a survival mechanism, so I understand why so many people feel that they need to do it. So what is everyone waiting for? Many people know the saying, “three things shine before the world and cannot be hidden: the moon, the sun, and the truth.”

I am living proof to myself that what really matters is support and community, not strength (in any form), intelligence, intuition, skill, determination; all things that I possess along with many other “lower class” folks. Yet, I am looked at as someone who is nowhere with nothing. Yes, I do believe that ignorance is bliss. I see some who have been raised on the straight and (very, very) narrow, and who have the power to overcome anything negative with some sort of “logical” bullshit that most things are over exaggerated, just because they haven’t experienced some of the absolutely heinous things that have been inflicted on so many other humans around the globe. I love you anyway, but how dare you, really. We all have our ignorances because no one will ever be all knowing, but sometimes you just have to say it, what.the.FUCK!?